If you are squeamish, get easily grossed out, or get annoyed
by toilet humor, please do yourself a favor and stop reading this post. Please
know that I do not intend to offend anyone, but I do feel a strong need to
educate my readers on the good, bad and ugly of Shanghainese toilet
culture.
I have been mentally composing this post for quite some
time. I was just waiting for the appropriate
time to post this information. After
having to teach the word, “poop”, to a second grade student, and reprimanding a
fourth grade student for drawing a steaming waste pile under a monkey, I felt it
was time to face the music.
 |
| The good news is the student understands the concept of usually, sometimes, and never! |
Like most things in Shanghai, toilets are very diverse.
Often times when I need to go outside of my apartment, I
find myself praying, please Lord, let the toilet I am about to see be a good
one. Or at least let it have a clean
seat. About 70% of the time, He
delivers.
Some upscale restaurants and apartments that cater to
Japanese tenants have very high-end toilets.
These toilets sport buttons that will allow your bottom to be warmed and
cleansed while or after doing your business.
 |
| This is an example of a Japanese toilet console. I thought universal remotes were complicated. Source: Wikipedia Commons |
I have never had the opportunity to use a Japanese toilet,
and am not sure that I would know how to program my desired settings if I did get
an opportunity to use one. Props to the
Japanese; at least you can sit while doing your business, and you will emerge
from the bathroom feeling fresh and clean.
Many Chinese toilets are very similar to the good old
western toilets I was trained to use 33 years ago. Since Shanghai wanted to prove its status as
an international city a few years ago, many establishments have installed western
toilets. Fortunately, our apartment has
this type of toilet. The only confusing part
of my home toileting experience is deciding which button to push.
 |
| When do I push each button? PS, don't press both buttons at once. The water will keep running. |
FYI, both buttons do the same thing, so I just push either one when
I am finished and go on my merry way.
Unfortunately most schools and older buildings have the most
disgusting, confusing type of toilet…the squattie.
 |
| Introducing the squattie. Chinese folks like them because they are hygenic. |
The first time I encountered a squattie was on Easter Sunday
at McDonald’s in Xuhui. I walked in the
stall expecting a toilet, and much to my surprise, was greeted with porcelain, urinal like object in the floor. I had no clue as to what to do, and felt
like I was two years old again. I needed
to be squattie trained!
Many questions flooded my mind. Do I stand?
Do I sit? Will I clog this thing
if I flush toilet paper? Where is the
toilet paper? Will this thing handle
solid and liquid waste? Do I face the
door or the wall when using it?
To make matters worse, I didn’t feel comfortable asking
anyone these questions. All toilet
related matters are discreet in my culture.
By some miracle I did what I thought I needed to do, and did not splatter
myself (thank God!).
 |
| This is one of my workplace squatties. |
Fortunately, I was semi-squattie trained as part of my job
orientation. The direct quote from one
of my superiors was,
“About the toilets… you need to get used to them. This is China.”
As a service to you, dear reader, I will share my limited
squattie training wisdom.
Question #1: Do I stand?
Do I sit?
Standing or squatting is fine. DON’T SIT!
Question #2: Will I clog this thing if I flush toilet paper?
I don’t know, but don’t risk it. Be like a native and throw TP and other
personal hygiene items in the trash.
Question #3: Where is
the toilet paper?
Many times, it is non-existent. Fortunately many stores sell multipacks of purse
sized tissue pouches that are similar to Kleenex. Stock up on these frequently and bring a pack
to the restroom when you gotta go.
 |
| I thought these were only meant for blowing your nose... |
Question #4: Will this thing handle solid and liquid waste?
Liquids are fine, but the jury is still out about solids. I know it is a good idea to make
friends with an establishment that has a western toilet if you work in a
squattie only environment. One of my
teacher friends mentioned she made friends with a local restaurant owner across
the street from her school just in case of emergency.
Question #5: Do I face the door or the wall when using
it?
It is a matter of personal preference. Just don’t splatter!!
As a bonus tidbit of information, carry hand sanitizer. Soap may not be readily available when you
need it.
I hope I have covered this topic as tactfully as
possible. Mom, if you are still reading
this I am sorry if I have embarrassed you.
To everyone else, I hope this post hasn’t been a waste of time. J
